Allskateophobia

Today, while eating left over chicken fried rice on the couch and watching TV at lunch, I decided that I'm afraid of roller skating. I've overcome my long and deep-seated fears of the dark, bigfoot, and swimming. But I'm still afraid of roller skates and roller skating.

I am still afraid of sharks, too. I'm also afraid of large, unseen, and unspeakable man-eating creatures that troll the depths of fresh water lakes and ponds, searching for downed water skiers and relutant bathers to devour with a swift and deadly strike from below. I refer to these menaces as freshwater sharks. I've been assured by the greatest minds in biology and taxonomic classification that such predators don't exist. My bullet-proof defense is that new species of something, usually moss, lichens, or protozoa, are discovered every day. It's only a matter of time before some unlicensed angler on a backwoods pond reels in one of these monsters and rewrites the evolutionary record.

I also still fear drowing, and I'm always afraid of going to jail.